Journal Jots – Blog

 “These things I have spoken to you,

that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”

—John 15:5

Ahem … “joy” is certainly subjective, or at least when it comes to birthdays, isn’t it? I mean, being twenty-three and poised on the threshold of the rest of your life is very cool, but nudging towards Loreal, Polident and Preparation H (and no, the “H” doesn’t stand for “happy”!)? Not really sure that’s something I want to “celebrate” on one of my beloved Fridays.

Even so, this week was my birthday, and I want to thank anyone who popped over to Facebook to wish me greetings and say “hey.” I have to admit, other than sliding a year closer to rickety knees and more double chins—it was reallllly a pretty great day!! I groaned and stretched in the bed as I awoke a little later than usual, not even upset I was a whole year older. Keith had my hazelnut coffee poured and waiting with a heavy dose of Half ‘n Half and a dozen long-stemmed red roses in a vase. As Lessman tradition would have it, pretty gift-wrapped boxes taunted me from the hearth, off limits until after a dinner out with the love of my life.

It was a glorious day, spent with my feet propped up on my lower deck where even the weather cooperated—mid-70s and sunny, in November no less (as opposed to today in the 40s and rainy, so thank you, God). Gold and scarlet leaves fluttered from the trees while Steven O’Connor fluttered my heroine’s stomach (check out the photo I picture as Steven O’Connor and you’ll understand why!), and I was overjoyed when my agent told me she LOVED Steven’s story and that she was certain my readers would too. She called it the “perfect capstone” to this passionate family saga, which, by the way, will NOT be called A Trust Restored! Revell has changed the title (a very common occurrence with publishers), so book 3 in The Winds of Change series will now be called, TADA … A Love Surrendered!

I like the sound of it better than A Trust Restored, but I wasn’t sure how the new title actually applied to the story. You see, I sowed the theme of restoring trust so thoroughly throughout—Steven with his father and with himself, the heroine Annie with God and herself, and then trust issues between Katie/Luke, Sean/Emma and Marcy/Patrick as well—that I struggled in my mind with connecting trust restoration with love surrendered. BUT … the more I talked it over with Keith, the more I realized there was a whole lot of love being surrendered all over the place, so I simply wove in references to the new title wherever I could and VOILA … it now fits perfectly!

The bad news is my deadline for cutting the 50,000 words my editor requested is this Monday, 11/7, so those rickety (and knobby, I might add) knees are shaking a wee bit this weekend at the monumental task. I can hardly believe I’ve managed to trim 36,000 so far, but I am still 14,000 words shy (now there’s a real irony for you—me, “shy” with words!). Tomorrow I make ONE MORE PASS to try and trim 15 to 20 words per page, hopefully to nudge the number of words cut closer to 50,000. Gulp … as a woman who typically writes 500-page books, I have to admit, I could use some more prayers … along with a few more nails to bite ‘cause I’d rather not start on the toes. 😐

But … as stressed as I may get with book deadlines and massive revisions, I have to admit that nothing compares to the stress I left behind three years ago at my old part-time job at a travel company. I still remember one of the worst seasons I ever had, when I was working 80 hours a week part-time. Yeah, yeah, I know—I don’t claim to be all that bright, but somehow I got roped into this horrendous travel program for Compaq that was SO stressful, I swear it catapulted me right into menopause at the tender age of 43.

I will never forget the night I called Tokyo at 1:00 a.m. in the morning to determine the first name of a participant for his name badge. Mr. Wing, Ching, Sing—which was it? I don’t think I ever found out because I never could understand the guy, but the next name on the list summed up this entire project perfectly. As God is my witness, the name was Mr. Sakashita, and I’m pretty sure you can guess my train of thought from there. That year was so awful that to this day, when my family hears the word “Compaq,” ice water courses through their veins. So strung out and unhappy was I in that job that my family still joke about the infamous Christmas-gift debacle that year, when every single present of clothing I purchased for them was either purple and gray or black and blue. Not unlike me at the end of a day.

It was during this time of my life when I woke up really early one morning, but was still half asleep. I remember begging God in my mind to help me before I even fully awoke, standing at the mirror in the bathroom, eyes sealed shut and shoulders slumped. All at once I heard three words as softly and clearly as if someone had spoken them in my ear. “Abide in Me,” the Voice said, and my eyelids popped open like a tightly rolled shade. “What does that mean, God?” I asked with a squint in the mirror, no earthly idea what He was telling me to do. So of course I immediately got my dictionary out to look up the definition of abide and here’s what I found:

To wait for, to endure without yielding, to withstand, to bear patiently, to tolerate, to accept without objection, to remain stable or fixed in a state, to continue in a place, to conform. 

Next, He coupled it with John 15:9-12 — “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

That my joy may be full? Goodness, was that even possible with the kind of stress I had in my life at that time? “Yes,” the still, small Voice said, and I learned that no matter the situation, the stress, the pain, I could “tolerate” it by abiding or “remaining stable” in God’s love rather than in the situation. Now for the million-dollar question: how do you DO that?? Take a closer look at verse 10, which I think holds the key. If you OBEY Him (pray for those who persecute you, keep your eyes on Him rather yourself, believe/trust in Him rather than doubt, whatever, etc.), you WILL remain STABLE in His love, able to endure, bear patiently, tolerate whatever awful season you may be in.

Now, I’ve talked before about the equation OBEDIENCE=LOVE when it comes to God before (i.e. John 14:15, “If you love Me, keep my commandments”), but something I never realized fully was that OBEDIENCE also = JOY. Wow … stop and chew on that one a while, why don’t you? So, let me get this straight, God—if I bite my tongue instead of being snippy with a checker at Wal-mart or if I sacrifice my writing time to focus on my daughter when she walks through the door, I’ll have joy??? YES. But keep in mind it’s a cumulative thing—remaining “stable and fixed” in Him, over and over and over … situation, after situation, after situation. Until your “joy” is not just “full,” but bubbling over. Kind of like the time I gouged my ingrown toenail on a steel bed leg and a salty word sprang to my tongue. I bit it back with a string of “praise God’s” that had me doubled over on the bed laughing before all was said and done.

So, whether you are celebrating a birthday that brings you one step closer to gumming tapioca at the Shady Slope nursing home or your kids and/or a job are driving you up a wall, always remember that in Him, you can be full—not with fear, stress or anger—but with peace, joy and love. Mmmm … not a bad trade.

GIVEAWAYS THIS WEEK:

THIS WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2011

Join me at SEEKERVILLE when I talk about “Playing Favorites” and you can win a writer’s critique OR a signed copy of one of my books including my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://www.seekerville.blogspot.com/

OCTOBER 11 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog for a Q & A session and a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my upcoming release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.htmlhttp://www.katysreviews.blogspot.com/

 OCTOBER 31 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Debbie Lynn Costello’s blog, Edgy Inspirational Romance, for a chance to win a signed copy of my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://theswordandspirit.blogspot.com/2011/10/heart-revealed-by-julie-lessman-ends.html

Have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Julie

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses

against you  that I have set before you life and death,

blessings and curses.

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live …”

—Deuteronomy 30:19

You know, sometimes writers live in a vacuum, and no, I’m not talking about the Hoover kind because God knows I wouldn’t know how to use one of those. No, I’m talking about this bubble we all live where we post something on Facebook or on our blog or on Amazon and we wonder if anybody ever really reads it. Now, usually on Facebook you will get a response, but not always, so when I get an e-mail from someone who has read a Journal Jot that blessed them, I gotta tell ya—I get blessed too.

You see, Journal Jots is the one place I tend to pour out my heart more than anywhere else, except in my books, of course, so I always hope and pray that what I’ve written doesn’t backfire, but blesses someone like the situation blessed me. It’s rather risky for an author to do, actually, because I’m one of those that bleeds onto the paper (or keyboard), spilling my guts when sometimes it would be a whole lot better if I just kept my mouth shut. Or so my husband tells me, the man who is scared to death to read my Journal Jots for fear of what he will find. 🙂 Nonetheless, if nothing else, I’m honest to a fault, although I do admit I am a firm believer in what my daughter refers to as “sugarcoating” negatives so they go down a bit easier. But bottom line? What you read is generally what you get with me. The good news is people get to know my heart that way. The bad news? People get to know my heart along with some of my dirty laundry. Oh well … what’s dirty laundry if we can’t clean it with the grace of God and hang it out to dry for all to see???

That said, I want to give a heartfelt thanks to those reader friends of mine —and you KNOW who you are—who never fail to contact me to tell me how the JJ blessed you or relate a similar situation in which God taught you the same lesson. Gosh, how I love that … AND how I love you! NOTE: this is not a ploy to get more e-mails from my JJ readers because God knows I don’t need that with my schedule, but if a JJ particularly impacts you and you have a story to go along with it?? Oh my, I LOVE to hear those things for sure.

Like this week, for instance. I received an e-mail from a wonderful lady and writer by the name of Mindy Obenhaus (and no, I’m not exaggerating here—this gal is flat out wonderful because she is the Carol Award coordinator for American Christian Fiction Writers who is SO kind, helpful and encouraging to anyone who enters that contest). Anyway, her e-mail so spoke to me—as I hope it will you—that I asked her permission to reprint it here today. If it does bless you, then all I ask is you say a prayer for God’s blessings on Mindy and if you are so inclined, leave a comment on her blog info below. Here’s the e-mail:

Julie, I’m giving you fair warning. I may have to stop reading JJ. I just read your post from the 21^st. Girlfriend, just because you cried doesn’t mean you have make me cry. That is just not right.

Okay, so this is where I get to do my Julie Lessman impersonation and get really lengthy. Hold on just one sec, though. I need to go grab some more Kleenex.

I am a woman on the edge. The edge of what, I’m not really sure, but here I sit wondering what in the heck in wrong with me. And this was before I read your JJ post. You see, a little over two years ago God called me to care for our now four-year-old granddaughter while our daughter served in the US Navy. It was supposed to be for eight weeks. Then that stretched to five months, eight, and, before all was said and done, we’d had her for all but five of twenty-six months. Did I mention that this was the offspring of my strong-willed child? Well, she was like her mother on steroids! The older she got, the more I cried, “God, I can’t do this anymore.”

Aila was determined to defy me at every turn. I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Aila, if you would just listen to Grammy,” or “If you would obey, Grammy.” And so many times, as those and similar words rolled off of my tongue, I had the distinct feeling that God was saying the exact same thing to me. But nothing was more vivid than something that happened this past spring. We were closing in on two years with Aila. I had taken her to Wal-Mart with me, something I rarely did because I never knew what she might do. Trust me, I went through things with this child my own children (five of them) never put me through.

So we get out of the car.

Aila: “Grammy, Mommy says I can walk now. I’m a big girl

Me: Not likely. “All right, but you have to stay with Grammy, otherwise you’ll have to get in the cart.”

Aila:  “Okay.”

No sooner had we made it through the door than she was off and running. I guess I should pause here to say that aside from my short list of items I was planning to get Aila some finger-paints and a small toy. Of course, she didn’t know that. But, after several warnings, her butt was in the cart and I’d crossed the toy off of my mental list. Then she looked at me and said, “I want to go to the toys.”

“No, we are not going to the toys. You didn’t listen to Grammy.”

“I want to go to the toys.”

“I’m sorry. But you disobeyed.”

“I WANT TO GO THE TOYS.”

At this point I’m thinking, not only are we not going to the toys, you’re not getting any finger-paints either. I’m getting what’s on the list and we are out of here. So, all the way through the supercenter this child is screaming, “I want to go to the toys.”

Mortified and exhausted, I get to the car and hoist her into her car seat thinking, Aila, I was going to take you to the toys, I was going to get you something. But you disobeyed so I couldn’t give them to you.

Oh, my. I felt like I’d been hit with a two by four. In that instant I wondered how many gifts God has had to withhold from me because of my disobedience. Ouch. I figured out something else just then too. God knows I’m a visual learner. Seeing my granddaughter’s actions mirrored the way I often behave toward God. I don’t know if that was the lesson He wanted me to learn, but less than two months later, she was back with her mama.

Before Aila came, I was used to having a chunk of my time to myself. My boys were both in school (my youngest is now twelve) and I had a good bit of freedom. Freedom I lost when she came. Now that she was gone, I could recapture that freedom again. BTW, I also have to care for my mother, which for the most part consists of taking her to the store, doctor, and hairdresser. Then my husband fell. Once again, I was the caretaker. No biggie, you just do what you have to do. Right? Well, I guess I never realized how much he did until I suddenly had to do it all. Please don’t get me wrong here. I’m not complaining about any of these things. I’m simply stating facts.

These last two weeks in particular, I’ve really been struggling. I’m up, I’m down. I accomplish nothing. I beat myself up because the words won’t come when I try to write. There are things I need to do but don’t want to do so I end up doing NOTHING except what I HAVE to do. I don’t want to care-take anymore. I want to cry, but I can’t do that either because hubby will see (he works from home) and I have to be strong for him. Just like I was at the hospital. This isn’t his fault and heaven knows he’ll probably have care for me at some point. Someday I will cry. Someday when I’m alone and Richard won’t know.

So then I read your post. “Think about it, Julie,” he continues with a sideways glance that’s almost as moist as mine, “When a person dies, people don’t talk about how many books they wrote or how many awards they won, they talk about how that person affected their lives.” How they encouraged them, was kind to them, a simple smile, a sincere compliment … or even taking them to the dentist five times despite an occasional moan and groan.

In my heart, my own floodgates opened with yours, though my eyes only sprang a small leak. Nobody’s going to care if I ever write another book. Nobody’s going to care if I’m never published. Heck, they aren’t even going to remember if my house was clean or not (at least I hope not). But what will they remember about me? Will Aila remember that Grammy loved her as her own child, despite frequently stomping up the stairs and slamming the bedroom door?

I am not a good person, Julie. I am selfish. I want what I want when I want it. And I want things to go my way. But God has a way of keeping me in check. Funny how He knows just how to do that. He Who gave a lonely little girl, an only child, the desire of her heart—a big family. Guess I gotta take the bad with the good, huh? Because someday, they’ll be the ones taking care of me. And goodness knows, they’d better get it right. 🙂

Thanks for helping me put things in perspective. However I’m still miffed that you made me cry.

Mindy Obenhaus 2010 Genesis Finalist – Romantic Suspense

Discover the best in today’s Christian fiction at Divine Imagination

F.A.I.T.H. — 6 authors, 6 unique personalities, 1 awesome God www.thefaithgirls.com 

Okay, is anybody out there crying besides me right now because I am leaking like a sieve. When I read Mindy’s line, “I wondered how many gifts God has had to withhold from me because of my disobedience,” I literally sobbed (yeah, yeah, I know I’m an emotional CDQ who has stock in Kleenex, but as God is my witness this was a bona fide sob). Why? Because this is the heart of the message that God taught me when I was writing A Passion Most Pure, for which our Scripture quote today is a theme. A choice between life and death, blessing or curse, all based on obeying God’s precepts … or demanding our own way.

Like Aila, I wonder how many “toys” I’ve missed out on that God wanted to give me just because I chose my way over His. It’s kind of a scary thought, isn’t it? But the good news is that the very next opportunity we have to choose between life and death—be it the choice between gossiping with a neighbor or not, tailgating the schmo who pulled out in front of you at 20 mph or not, or screaming hateful things at someone who hurt you or praying for them instead—is an opportunity for a new blessing from God, a new toy if you will, when you choose to do it His way rather than yours. Talk about instant gratification!! Not only do you FEEL God’s pleasure when you please Him, but you feel stronger, more confident and more “grown up” in Him than ever before. And, WHOA BABY, that doesn’t even begin to tally the blessings that are sure to follow. So test it out this weekend … the first opportunity where you have a choice … choose life! Then just watch the gifts that our God sends your way!

AND SPEAKING OF GIFTS … NEW GIVEWAY!!!

OCTOBER 31 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Debbie Lynn Costello’s blog, Edgy Inspirational Romance, for a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://www.theswordandspirit.blogspot.com/

OCTOBER 11 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog for a Q & A session and a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my upcoming release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.htmlhttp://www.katysreviews.blogspot.com/

Happy Weekend, All!

Hugs,

Julie

“A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives.”

— Jackie Robinson

“Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.”

— Mother Teresa

I know this is going to shock quite a few people, but in addition to being a CDQ (caffeinated drama queen), I can also be a CDF (caffeinated detail freak), which means if I go to a McDonald’s drive-thru for breakfast with my poor husband, I MUST have the following with my Egg McMuffin meal: 1 strawberry jelly (not grape), a knife, four ketchups, one salt, one pepper, two creamers, a stirrer and at least four napkins. Period. Any one of those items missing, and my poor guy cringes with a look that says I am also a CPIB (caffeinated pain in the butt).

Sigh. Any of you prayerful types out there may consider adding my husband to your list because yes, I am known in my household as “high maintenance,” but I prefer the term, “passionately aware of what I need to be happy.” Or, just plain “passionate” will do, whether it manifests itself in writing a book in every Christmas card I sent (which is why I gave up Christmas cards twenty years ago) or giving my publisher 135 title suggestions for A Passion Most Pure when they asked for only a few. Yep, I’m a bona fide COA (caffeinated overachiever) who gives everything my all, no question.

BUT … I’m not exactly sure how much of it is personality and how much is just the need to prove my self worth. I don’t know, blame it on the fact that I was #12 out of 13 kids, a skinny DQ who was fun to tease maybe, or being the brunt of jokes and cruelty in the 2^nd through 4^th grades because I had psoriasis a la Katie O’Connor in A Hope Undaunted. Whatever the trigger, I am driven to achieve, perhaps subconsciously to prove to my parents, my family, myself and the world … that I am a success.

But you know what? It’s a funny thing about success. God measures it WAY differently than we do, and that point was driven home this week in a conversation I had with my husband after taking Aunt Julie to the dentist … uh, for the fourth time!

Let me tell you, my sweet 93-year-old aunt has been a busy bee the last couple of months. She’s chipped one tooth, two temporaries and has been fitted for two crowns, plus broken two hearing aids, necessitating lots of drive time. The good news? The little dickens is doing so well and is so content, she’s eating everything not nailed down, plumping her former frail body up by a solid 20 to 30 pounds. Unfortunately because of that, I threw my back out trying to help her into my car from her wheelchair one day last week, which is why Keith came along on this most recent dental visit.

So we’re driving away from Aunt Julie’s facility home, and I am berating myself for all the moaning and groaning I’ve been doing over extra drive time for AJ errands, knowing full well massive revisions on Steven’s story are waiting at home. “Cut yourself some slack, Julie,” Keith says in his usual supportive way, “After all, she’s not even your mother and yet you’re the responsible party out of your family despite being the only one with a career. I for one am proud of you, and I know your mother would be too.”

Tears sting my eyes. Proud of me? My mother? The thought hits dead center, wrenching my heart. “Maybe,” I say reluctantly, “possibly because I’m an author.”

“No, not proud of you being an author, Julie,” my husband stresses with a sheen in his eyes, “but of the person you are.”

Oh. My. Goodness. Where are my Kleenex?? Frantic, I rifle through my purse while tears stream from my eyes.

“Think about it, Julie,” he continues with a sideways glance that’s almost as moist as mine, “When a person dies, people don’t talk about how many books they wrote or how many awards they won, they talk about how that person affected their lives.” How they encouraged them, was kind to them, a simple smile, a sincere compliment … or even taking them to the dentist five times despite an occasional moan and groan.

Let me tell you, the floodgates opened that day, and all the Kleenex in the world couldn’t stem the waterworks. Because for the first time in a long while, I thought long and hard about the true measure of a man—not in his own eyes—but in God’s. As I walk through this life, I need to ask myself what will God be proud of? The six books I’ve written, the endless blogs? The gardening contests I won when I actually gardened or how many times my name comes up when I Google it? Nope, His ways are not our ways, as we all know, and I gotta feeling His pride swells every time I smile at a stranger or leave an encouraging comment on a blog. When I pray for a one-star reviewer or a guy who just cut me off on the highway. And somehow I can almost feel His grin when I greet a Wal-Mart greeter or stop to talk to a wheelchair resident at my aunt’s nursing facility. Because you know what? Like Mother Teresa said, each one of them really is Jesus in disguise.

So, how are you going to make God smile today? One of my dear reader friends, Angi G. made Him smile yesterday when she contacted me to say she wanted to donate my book she won on the Seeker blog to someone who couldn’t afford it. Yeah, that’s just the caliber of person she is and I love her to pieces. As a result, I am holding a contest today to send a signed copy of any one of my books to someone who hasn’t been able to buy it due to financial circumstances. So if you are such a reader OR you know of such a reader, PLEASE send an e-mail through my website to let me know, and I will enter you or them in the contest. Winner will be announced next week in Journal Jots, and a HUGE thank you to Angi for her kindness.

FAVOR REQUEST: I have a blog giveaway going on through Monday, 10/24 on a secular website called RomCon, which is a pretty cool blog for romance readers. The good news is that they have an Inspirational section in which I have a brief article/giveaway posted. Since this is primarily a secular site, I would very much like to show them that there is a huge audience for Inspy fiction out there, so if you have the time to go leave a comment, I would be MOST grateful. To leave a comment, you will have to register with your name and your e-mail, but like I said, it’s a pretty cool site, so you may want to visit it more often anyway. PLUS, one comment enters you into my drawing for TWO BOOKS, a signed copy of any of my books plus your choice of top CBA book from my personal library. Thank you and GOOD LUCK!! Here’s the link:

http://romconinc.com/index.php?option=com_lyftenbloggie&view=entry&year=2011&month=10&day=17&id=1583:a-heart-revealed-by-julie-lessman

ATTN. ASPIRING WRITERS: For those of you who did not see it, I wrote a Seeker blog entitled “The Good, the Bad and the Really Ugly: Memories of a Published Writer” a week or so ago that shocked me when so many people responded in such a positive way to the tips I gave for aspiring authors. The giveaway is over, but if you need a little encouragement on your road to publication, you may want to read this blog. Hopefully it will bless you like it apparently blessed a number of other people … PLUS you can see what I look like in a cowboy hat and a gun! 😉 Here’s the link:

http://seekerville.blogspot.com/2011/10/good-bad-really-ugly-memories-of.html

ONLY TWO MORE DAYS … for an interview/giveaway at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog to win a signed copy of any of my books including my current release, A Heart Revealed, so don’t miss out! Here’s the link:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.html

Here’s to a crisp, colorful and wonderful autumn weekend and remember, dole out the smiles and the compliments like Halloween candy wherever you go. Because Jesus will be watching … and smiling … right along with you.

Hugs,

Julie