Journal Jots – Blog

 “Children are great imitators.

So give them something great to imitate.”

—Anonymous

Well, I did it—chopped 40,706 words from Steven’s story, A Love Surrendered and sent it to my editor by my due date of Monday night, at exactly ten minutes to midnight. Along with prayers, I might add, that she would have mercy over the 9,294 words I failed to trim from the requested 50,000.

I am happy to report that she agreed, and I am breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Trust me, this is the tightest story I have EVER written, without many words to spare, so hopefully it will be a very fast read as well. I’ll tell you one thing for sure, it will be a weepy one, so you’ll need to stock up on Kleenex! I’ve mentioned in the past I judge my books by how many Kleenex I go through when reading/editing them. A Hope Undaunted was a 12-Kleenex read for me and A Heart Revealed, a ten.

I’m not sure if it was because this is the last book of the O’Connor saga and I was just in a weepy mood or what, but I went through—and yes, I actually counted them—over 30 soggy Kleenex throughout the course of the book. Of course, that’s me—a weepy CDQ, but I suspect a few of you will be shedding some tears of your own once you get into Steven’s story where hearts get broken and mended on a regular basis. What can I say—I thrive on drama and angst. Oh … and passion, too, of course, of which there is aplenty in A Love Surrendered! You might say it’s my last hurrah before I tone down the passion and plots for A Cousins McClare, which will be a simpler, shorter series, certainly, but still packed with the Lessman drama and passion I so love to write.

Because, goodness, I do LOVE writing about families! Especially families that aren’t perfect, which is what a lot of my readers tell me they love about my books. God knows the family I grew up in was painfully dysfunctional and about as far from “perfect” as one can get. Believe me, I thank God every day—no, multiple times every day, seriously—for the amazing family He has given me today. Because you see, He has not only redeemed my sorry soul, but my sorry life as well. It’s like Steven O’Connor confides to his best friend Joe in A Love Surrendered, telling him he’s been doing some soul searching, hungry for the truth.

“What kind of truth?” Joe asks.

Steven lowered his eyes to scratch the back of his neck, not sure how to explain God was now more than a Sunday obligation to a former choir boy who’d never given him much thought. His gaze wandered into a stare. “I don’t know, the kind that unlocked the jail cell I’ve been in most of my life. That ruthless drive to achieve and vindicate a past that made me feel like dirt.” He glanced up, hungry to connect with Joe on a spiritual level for the first time in his life. They’d always been there for each other to listen and encourage, but they’d never scratched the surface of the truth that had set Steven free. The truth that God wasn’t just a “maybe,” but a living, breathing Savior who not only saved lives, but changed them for the better.

Changed them for the better … Yes, my family is amazing today, but trust me, not perfect by a looooooong shot. Oh, we look it to some people, I suppose—successful award-winning artist/designer marries a successful (in reader friends, if not sales!) award-winning author with two kids who love God, one slated to graduate from law school next year, the other an up-and-coming account manager for a lucrative firm, married to a doctor who just gave birth to possibly the most precious little girl on the planet. Ironically, as a hardcore realist, I had to learn there was no such thing as “perfect” before I could ever truly be happy.

Take my birthday, for instance—one of the best weeks of my life. But it could have been marred by a family situation that was far from perfect. What could possibly ruin such a joyous day, you ask? Well, my son forgot my birthday, the woman who not only gave him life, but taught him its rudiments, both practical and spiritual. From the moment my children were able, they learned to say please and thank you, write birthday and thank you notes, apologize when wrong and in the case of my son, pen reams of the most heartfelt and tear-jerking love letters to his parents that you ever saw.

So when my birthday came and went with no word from Matt or his wife, I’ll be honest—I was a tiny bit sad. And you know what? The devil wanted to ruin my day big time—and my family’s—with my anger and hurt. Only it didn’t happen because I learned a long time ago that no, family’s are not perfect. That only when we accept that fact and stop expecting them to be and stop basing our very happiness on a reality that doesn’t exist, will we truly understand that our true joy comes from Him and only Him. So I did what God’s Word has trained me to do—I let it go, the seed of anger that wanted to fester, repenting before God for even letting it stay a second or two. I prayed for my son, for God to bless him and help him get through this really arduous time in his job, the reason he forgot my birthday in the first place, no doubt. And I praised God for both this oversight on my son’s part and the countless blessings He has bestowed upon me. And, OH MY, what a happy birthday I had!

Four days later at church that week, my son handed me a small folded card before the service. “What’s this?” I ask, and my eyes instantly prick at the words “JuJu” on the cover. “This is from Rory,” my son says, referring to my six-week-old granddaughter, and in one tilt of my son’s sheepish smile, God redeems my birthday all over again with a note SO precious, I just had to share it with you today—further evidence of a truly amazing God who longs to redeem our pain if we only let Him by following His precepts instead of our own.

JuJu:

This is going to be a little awkward and uncomfortable, but let’s face the facts—my parents are inept morons. I mean, come on—why do you think I cry so much? On Tuesday of this last week, I tried to remind them it was your birthday, but they wouldn’t listen. I guess what do you expect from two people who made me wear this bow?

Anyway, my parents screwed up, and now I’m stepping in to take control of this mess. First and foremost, they need to be disciplined—you know, “spare the lungs, spoil the parents”? My first action was to poop in the bathtub for Daddy. My second was to pee on Mommy in public. My third action will be to require them to send you a new picture of me everyday for the next week. And my fourth and final action will be to make them take you out to a dinner on the night that is convenient for you. At this dinner, I will be an angel at the restaurant, but scream all the way home and refuse to go to sleep until 2:00 a.m.

This is my final ruling. I feel my discipline is strict, but fair. We all love you, and I will personally see to it that they never forget your birthday again.

Love, Rory

Go ahead, tell me doing things God’s way doesn’t pay off, because I have a whole lifetime of things like this to prove you wrong. No, the path to happiness is not paved with gold or a good marriage or a Brady Bunch family—it’s paved with the blessings of God, not the least of which are pictures of one’s brand-new daughter from one of the best weeks of her life. 🙂

AND NOW, LET THE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BEGIN!

You’ll have one less present to buy if you win one of my books at any of the following giveaways that will be ending soon!

ENDS TODAY AT 5:00 PM, SO DON’T MISS OUT!!

Join me at SEEKERVILLE when I talk about “Playing Favorites” and give a SNEAK PEEK at some snippets of Steven’s story, A Love Surrendered as well as give away winner’s choice of a signed copy of one of my books including my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://seekerville.blogspot.com/2011/11/playing-favorites-metaphorically.html

OCTOBER 11 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog for a Q & A session and a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my upcoming release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.htmlhttp://www.katysreviews.blogspot.com/

OCTOBER 31 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Debbie Lynn Costello’s blog, The Sword & the Spirit blog, for a chance to win a signed copy of my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://theswordandspirit.blogspot.com/2011/10/heart-revealed-by-julie-lessman-ends.html

Happy weekend, all!

Hugs,

Julie

 “These things I have spoken to you,

that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”

—John 15:5

Ahem … “joy” is certainly subjective, or at least when it comes to birthdays, isn’t it? I mean, being twenty-three and poised on the threshold of the rest of your life is very cool, but nudging towards Loreal, Polident and Preparation H (and no, the “H” doesn’t stand for “happy”!)? Not really sure that’s something I want to “celebrate” on one of my beloved Fridays.

Even so, this week was my birthday, and I want to thank anyone who popped over to Facebook to wish me greetings and say “hey.” I have to admit, other than sliding a year closer to rickety knees and more double chins—it was reallllly a pretty great day!! I groaned and stretched in the bed as I awoke a little later than usual, not even upset I was a whole year older. Keith had my hazelnut coffee poured and waiting with a heavy dose of Half ‘n Half and a dozen long-stemmed red roses in a vase. As Lessman tradition would have it, pretty gift-wrapped boxes taunted me from the hearth, off limits until after a dinner out with the love of my life.

It was a glorious day, spent with my feet propped up on my lower deck where even the weather cooperated—mid-70s and sunny, in November no less (as opposed to today in the 40s and rainy, so thank you, God). Gold and scarlet leaves fluttered from the trees while Steven O’Connor fluttered my heroine’s stomach (check out the photo I picture as Steven O’Connor and you’ll understand why!), and I was overjoyed when my agent told me she LOVED Steven’s story and that she was certain my readers would too. She called it the “perfect capstone” to this passionate family saga, which, by the way, will NOT be called A Trust Restored! Revell has changed the title (a very common occurrence with publishers), so book 3 in The Winds of Change series will now be called, TADA … A Love Surrendered!

I like the sound of it better than A Trust Restored, but I wasn’t sure how the new title actually applied to the story. You see, I sowed the theme of restoring trust so thoroughly throughout—Steven with his father and with himself, the heroine Annie with God and herself, and then trust issues between Katie/Luke, Sean/Emma and Marcy/Patrick as well—that I struggled in my mind with connecting trust restoration with love surrendered. BUT … the more I talked it over with Keith, the more I realized there was a whole lot of love being surrendered all over the place, so I simply wove in references to the new title wherever I could and VOILA … it now fits perfectly!

The bad news is my deadline for cutting the 50,000 words my editor requested is this Monday, 11/7, so those rickety (and knobby, I might add) knees are shaking a wee bit this weekend at the monumental task. I can hardly believe I’ve managed to trim 36,000 so far, but I am still 14,000 words shy (now there’s a real irony for you—me, “shy” with words!). Tomorrow I make ONE MORE PASS to try and trim 15 to 20 words per page, hopefully to nudge the number of words cut closer to 50,000. Gulp … as a woman who typically writes 500-page books, I have to admit, I could use some more prayers … along with a few more nails to bite ‘cause I’d rather not start on the toes. 😐

But … as stressed as I may get with book deadlines and massive revisions, I have to admit that nothing compares to the stress I left behind three years ago at my old part-time job at a travel company. I still remember one of the worst seasons I ever had, when I was working 80 hours a week part-time. Yeah, yeah, I know—I don’t claim to be all that bright, but somehow I got roped into this horrendous travel program for Compaq that was SO stressful, I swear it catapulted me right into menopause at the tender age of 43.

I will never forget the night I called Tokyo at 1:00 a.m. in the morning to determine the first name of a participant for his name badge. Mr. Wing, Ching, Sing—which was it? I don’t think I ever found out because I never could understand the guy, but the next name on the list summed up this entire project perfectly. As God is my witness, the name was Mr. Sakashita, and I’m pretty sure you can guess my train of thought from there. That year was so awful that to this day, when my family hears the word “Compaq,” ice water courses through their veins. So strung out and unhappy was I in that job that my family still joke about the infamous Christmas-gift debacle that year, when every single present of clothing I purchased for them was either purple and gray or black and blue. Not unlike me at the end of a day.

It was during this time of my life when I woke up really early one morning, but was still half asleep. I remember begging God in my mind to help me before I even fully awoke, standing at the mirror in the bathroom, eyes sealed shut and shoulders slumped. All at once I heard three words as softly and clearly as if someone had spoken them in my ear. “Abide in Me,” the Voice said, and my eyelids popped open like a tightly rolled shade. “What does that mean, God?” I asked with a squint in the mirror, no earthly idea what He was telling me to do. So of course I immediately got my dictionary out to look up the definition of abide and here’s what I found:

To wait for, to endure without yielding, to withstand, to bear patiently, to tolerate, to accept without objection, to remain stable or fixed in a state, to continue in a place, to conform. 

Next, He coupled it with John 15:9-12 — “As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.”

That my joy may be full? Goodness, was that even possible with the kind of stress I had in my life at that time? “Yes,” the still, small Voice said, and I learned that no matter the situation, the stress, the pain, I could “tolerate” it by abiding or “remaining stable” in God’s love rather than in the situation. Now for the million-dollar question: how do you DO that?? Take a closer look at verse 10, which I think holds the key. If you OBEY Him (pray for those who persecute you, keep your eyes on Him rather yourself, believe/trust in Him rather than doubt, whatever, etc.), you WILL remain STABLE in His love, able to endure, bear patiently, tolerate whatever awful season you may be in.

Now, I’ve talked before about the equation OBEDIENCE=LOVE when it comes to God before (i.e. John 14:15, “If you love Me, keep my commandments”), but something I never realized fully was that OBEDIENCE also = JOY. Wow … stop and chew on that one a while, why don’t you? So, let me get this straight, God—if I bite my tongue instead of being snippy with a checker at Wal-mart or if I sacrifice my writing time to focus on my daughter when she walks through the door, I’ll have joy??? YES. But keep in mind it’s a cumulative thing—remaining “stable and fixed” in Him, over and over and over … situation, after situation, after situation. Until your “joy” is not just “full,” but bubbling over. Kind of like the time I gouged my ingrown toenail on a steel bed leg and a salty word sprang to my tongue. I bit it back with a string of “praise God’s” that had me doubled over on the bed laughing before all was said and done.

So, whether you are celebrating a birthday that brings you one step closer to gumming tapioca at the Shady Slope nursing home or your kids and/or a job are driving you up a wall, always remember that in Him, you can be full—not with fear, stress or anger—but with peace, joy and love. Mmmm … not a bad trade.

GIVEAWAYS THIS WEEK:

THIS WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2011

Join me at SEEKERVILLE when I talk about “Playing Favorites” and you can win a writer’s critique OR a signed copy of one of my books including my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://www.seekerville.blogspot.com/

OCTOBER 11 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog for a Q & A session and a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my upcoming release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.htmlhttp://www.katysreviews.blogspot.com/

 OCTOBER 31 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Debbie Lynn Costello’s blog, Edgy Inspirational Romance, for a chance to win a signed copy of my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://theswordandspirit.blogspot.com/2011/10/heart-revealed-by-julie-lessman-ends.html

Have a great weekend!

Hugs,

Julie

“This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses

against you  that I have set before you life and death,

blessings and curses.

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live …”

—Deuteronomy 30:19

You know, sometimes writers live in a vacuum, and no, I’m not talking about the Hoover kind because God knows I wouldn’t know how to use one of those. No, I’m talking about this bubble we all live where we post something on Facebook or on our blog or on Amazon and we wonder if anybody ever really reads it. Now, usually on Facebook you will get a response, but not always, so when I get an e-mail from someone who has read a Journal Jot that blessed them, I gotta tell ya—I get blessed too.

You see, Journal Jots is the one place I tend to pour out my heart more than anywhere else, except in my books, of course, so I always hope and pray that what I’ve written doesn’t backfire, but blesses someone like the situation blessed me. It’s rather risky for an author to do, actually, because I’m one of those that bleeds onto the paper (or keyboard), spilling my guts when sometimes it would be a whole lot better if I just kept my mouth shut. Or so my husband tells me, the man who is scared to death to read my Journal Jots for fear of what he will find. 🙂 Nonetheless, if nothing else, I’m honest to a fault, although I do admit I am a firm believer in what my daughter refers to as “sugarcoating” negatives so they go down a bit easier. But bottom line? What you read is generally what you get with me. The good news is people get to know my heart that way. The bad news? People get to know my heart along with some of my dirty laundry. Oh well … what’s dirty laundry if we can’t clean it with the grace of God and hang it out to dry for all to see???

That said, I want to give a heartfelt thanks to those reader friends of mine —and you KNOW who you are—who never fail to contact me to tell me how the JJ blessed you or relate a similar situation in which God taught you the same lesson. Gosh, how I love that … AND how I love you! NOTE: this is not a ploy to get more e-mails from my JJ readers because God knows I don’t need that with my schedule, but if a JJ particularly impacts you and you have a story to go along with it?? Oh my, I LOVE to hear those things for sure.

Like this week, for instance. I received an e-mail from a wonderful lady and writer by the name of Mindy Obenhaus (and no, I’m not exaggerating here—this gal is flat out wonderful because she is the Carol Award coordinator for American Christian Fiction Writers who is SO kind, helpful and encouraging to anyone who enters that contest). Anyway, her e-mail so spoke to me—as I hope it will you—that I asked her permission to reprint it here today. If it does bless you, then all I ask is you say a prayer for God’s blessings on Mindy and if you are so inclined, leave a comment on her blog info below. Here’s the e-mail:

Julie, I’m giving you fair warning. I may have to stop reading JJ. I just read your post from the 21^st. Girlfriend, just because you cried doesn’t mean you have make me cry. That is just not right.

Okay, so this is where I get to do my Julie Lessman impersonation and get really lengthy. Hold on just one sec, though. I need to go grab some more Kleenex.

I am a woman on the edge. The edge of what, I’m not really sure, but here I sit wondering what in the heck in wrong with me. And this was before I read your JJ post. You see, a little over two years ago God called me to care for our now four-year-old granddaughter while our daughter served in the US Navy. It was supposed to be for eight weeks. Then that stretched to five months, eight, and, before all was said and done, we’d had her for all but five of twenty-six months. Did I mention that this was the offspring of my strong-willed child? Well, she was like her mother on steroids! The older she got, the more I cried, “God, I can’t do this anymore.”

Aila was determined to defy me at every turn. I can’t tell you how many times I said, “Aila, if you would just listen to Grammy,” or “If you would obey, Grammy.” And so many times, as those and similar words rolled off of my tongue, I had the distinct feeling that God was saying the exact same thing to me. But nothing was more vivid than something that happened this past spring. We were closing in on two years with Aila. I had taken her to Wal-Mart with me, something I rarely did because I never knew what she might do. Trust me, I went through things with this child my own children (five of them) never put me through.

So we get out of the car.

Aila: “Grammy, Mommy says I can walk now. I’m a big girl

Me: Not likely. “All right, but you have to stay with Grammy, otherwise you’ll have to get in the cart.”

Aila:  “Okay.”

No sooner had we made it through the door than she was off and running. I guess I should pause here to say that aside from my short list of items I was planning to get Aila some finger-paints and a small toy. Of course, she didn’t know that. But, after several warnings, her butt was in the cart and I’d crossed the toy off of my mental list. Then she looked at me and said, “I want to go to the toys.”

“No, we are not going to the toys. You didn’t listen to Grammy.”

“I want to go to the toys.”

“I’m sorry. But you disobeyed.”

“I WANT TO GO THE TOYS.”

At this point I’m thinking, not only are we not going to the toys, you’re not getting any finger-paints either. I’m getting what’s on the list and we are out of here. So, all the way through the supercenter this child is screaming, “I want to go to the toys.”

Mortified and exhausted, I get to the car and hoist her into her car seat thinking, Aila, I was going to take you to the toys, I was going to get you something. But you disobeyed so I couldn’t give them to you.

Oh, my. I felt like I’d been hit with a two by four. In that instant I wondered how many gifts God has had to withhold from me because of my disobedience. Ouch. I figured out something else just then too. God knows I’m a visual learner. Seeing my granddaughter’s actions mirrored the way I often behave toward God. I don’t know if that was the lesson He wanted me to learn, but less than two months later, she was back with her mama.

Before Aila came, I was used to having a chunk of my time to myself. My boys were both in school (my youngest is now twelve) and I had a good bit of freedom. Freedom I lost when she came. Now that she was gone, I could recapture that freedom again. BTW, I also have to care for my mother, which for the most part consists of taking her to the store, doctor, and hairdresser. Then my husband fell. Once again, I was the caretaker. No biggie, you just do what you have to do. Right? Well, I guess I never realized how much he did until I suddenly had to do it all. Please don’t get me wrong here. I’m not complaining about any of these things. I’m simply stating facts.

These last two weeks in particular, I’ve really been struggling. I’m up, I’m down. I accomplish nothing. I beat myself up because the words won’t come when I try to write. There are things I need to do but don’t want to do so I end up doing NOTHING except what I HAVE to do. I don’t want to care-take anymore. I want to cry, but I can’t do that either because hubby will see (he works from home) and I have to be strong for him. Just like I was at the hospital. This isn’t his fault and heaven knows he’ll probably have care for me at some point. Someday I will cry. Someday when I’m alone and Richard won’t know.

So then I read your post. “Think about it, Julie,” he continues with a sideways glance that’s almost as moist as mine, “When a person dies, people don’t talk about how many books they wrote or how many awards they won, they talk about how that person affected their lives.” How they encouraged them, was kind to them, a simple smile, a sincere compliment … or even taking them to the dentist five times despite an occasional moan and groan.

In my heart, my own floodgates opened with yours, though my eyes only sprang a small leak. Nobody’s going to care if I ever write another book. Nobody’s going to care if I’m never published. Heck, they aren’t even going to remember if my house was clean or not (at least I hope not). But what will they remember about me? Will Aila remember that Grammy loved her as her own child, despite frequently stomping up the stairs and slamming the bedroom door?

I am not a good person, Julie. I am selfish. I want what I want when I want it. And I want things to go my way. But God has a way of keeping me in check. Funny how He knows just how to do that. He Who gave a lonely little girl, an only child, the desire of her heart—a big family. Guess I gotta take the bad with the good, huh? Because someday, they’ll be the ones taking care of me. And goodness knows, they’d better get it right. 🙂

Thanks for helping me put things in perspective. However I’m still miffed that you made me cry.

Mindy Obenhaus 2010 Genesis Finalist – Romantic Suspense

Discover the best in today’s Christian fiction at Divine Imagination

F.A.I.T.H. — 6 authors, 6 unique personalities, 1 awesome God www.thefaithgirls.com 

Okay, is anybody out there crying besides me right now because I am leaking like a sieve. When I read Mindy’s line, “I wondered how many gifts God has had to withhold from me because of my disobedience,” I literally sobbed (yeah, yeah, I know I’m an emotional CDQ who has stock in Kleenex, but as God is my witness this was a bona fide sob). Why? Because this is the heart of the message that God taught me when I was writing A Passion Most Pure, for which our Scripture quote today is a theme. A choice between life and death, blessing or curse, all based on obeying God’s precepts … or demanding our own way.

Like Aila, I wonder how many “toys” I’ve missed out on that God wanted to give me just because I chose my way over His. It’s kind of a scary thought, isn’t it? But the good news is that the very next opportunity we have to choose between life and death—be it the choice between gossiping with a neighbor or not, tailgating the schmo who pulled out in front of you at 20 mph or not, or screaming hateful things at someone who hurt you or praying for them instead—is an opportunity for a new blessing from God, a new toy if you will, when you choose to do it His way rather than yours. Talk about instant gratification!! Not only do you FEEL God’s pleasure when you please Him, but you feel stronger, more confident and more “grown up” in Him than ever before. And, WHOA BABY, that doesn’t even begin to tally the blessings that are sure to follow. So test it out this weekend … the first opportunity where you have a choice … choose life! Then just watch the gifts that our God sends your way!

AND SPEAKING OF GIFTS … NEW GIVEWAY!!!

OCTOBER 31 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Debbie Lynn Costello’s blog, Edgy Inspirational Romance, for a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my new release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://www.theswordandspirit.blogspot.com/

OCTOBER 11 to NOVEMBER 14, 2011

Join me at Book Reviews by Lady Katy blog for a Q & A session and a chance to win a signed copy of any of my books including my upcoming release, A Heart Revealed at:

http://katie-mccurdy.blogspot.com/2011/10/interview-giveaway-julie-lessman.htmlhttp://www.katysreviews.blogspot.com/

Happy Weekend, All!

Hugs,

Julie