Journal Jots – Blog

“No matter how hard, no matter how difficult, God,

I will always say, ‘blessed be the name of the Lord.’”

— Emma Malloy, A Heart Revealed

For some reason this week, Emma Malloy was on my mind, my heroine from A Heart Revealed. I guess because I knew I was planning on posting Salyna’s montages for the Winds of Change series this week. And also, I suppose, because I was listening to one of my favorite worship songs on the treadmill the other day, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord, something that Emma always does, as indicated by her quote above.

Whenever that song comes up, my heart fills with joy because for me, it embodies my commitment to God, no matter what happens in my life. Which is what Emma does in her story — though her heart is breaking and her life looks bleak, she will never stop praising God. A very mini and very mild version of Job 13:15: Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.

Matt Redman sings the song, and the lyrics go like this:

Blessed be Your name
When the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s ‘all as it should be’
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

No matter what, for me, praising God in the midst of good times and bad, gives me peace and joy that defies understanding. Like a rush of adrenaline in the good times and a dogged determination in the bad that yes, my God will see me through.

And you know what? He always does. And He always will. Until I take my last breath and beyond, filling my lungs with the sweet air of heaven … and Him.

So, since Emma’s quote above came to me this week, I thought it might be fun to share it with you, along with the montages and other favorite quotes from each of the Winds of Change books. So, here we go …

A HOPE UNDAUNTED:

I have so many favorite quotes from this book, lessons I’ve learned, that I decided I’ll share the background on them down the road in future Journal Jots. But for today, here are two of my favorite quotes from Katie and Luke’s story.

The first quote I like is a truth God showed me WAY back in the early days of my love affair with Him. When I first came to Christ — really and truly gave my heart to him for the first time at the age of 23 — He made me feel SO very special, SO very loved! Now everybody wants to be special, of course, and yet God loves everybody the same because the Bible says He’s “no respecter of persons,” meaning He doesn’t play favorites. But God somehow God managed to make me, Julie Winterer, feel special amid billions and billions of people for whom He also cared.

How? Well, one day He showed me that just like each piece of a puzzle is unique and cut differently than the next, so is each equally important to complete the whole. And what’s the wholepuzzle? His heart! You see, God made me feel special by showing me that without my love, a piece of His heart was missing, a piece no one else could fill. A piece that caused Him to ache if it wasn’t in its proper place, leaving a hole in God’s heart … and in my life.

So that’s why I in A Hope Undaunted, I had Faith O’Connor tell her sister, Katie, that she, too, was special, as we ALL are, with the following favorite line:

“You own a little piece of God’s heart, Katie, like a piece of a puzzle that’s missing. A piece nobody else can fill.”

A second quote I love from that book is just because of the deeper significance in what the hero Luke McGee is saying. The truth would hurt Betty if she knew, but Luke doesn’t lie to her. He reaffirms his love for her and yet speaks a hidden truth at the same time by leaving out one word in his mind.

“You’re the love of my life, McGee—yesterday, today, and forever.”

“Mine too, Bets,” he whispered, then bent to kiss her again.

Yesterday and forever.

And HERE’S Salyna’s montage for A Hope Undaunted, which she already knows I think Katie is perfect, but Luke? Uh, not so much, which she also knows. I’d much prefer to see a young Brad Pitt with white-blonde hair to portray Luke, but I SO appreciate Salyna’s take on each of my characters.

A HEART REVEALED:

You already saw the quote I love from Emma in our header quote above, but here’s another based on a truth God showed me through His Word one day. That, yes, “all things work together for God for those who love God,” but especially pain because it draws us closer to God and teaches us lessons that joy never could.

“No one escapes being hurt in this life, Sean, because unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. But please believe me when I say . . .” Her voice gentled, as soothing and peaceful as the patter of rain on the marble sill. “There’s a great gift in pain.”

And WOW, did Salyna hit it out of the park with Sean and Emma!! You’ll want to be sure to check out even MORE great pix of Sean and Emma on Salyna’s blog today and DO let her know what you think, okay?

A LOVE SURRENDERED:

Well, I have to be honest, there are SO many spiritual parts that I love in this book, but one of my favorites is the moment the hero Steven O’Connor finally comes to God. I swear I shed a tear or two every single time I read that scene, but here’s the gist of it in a few sentences:

He leadeth me beside the still

waters . . .

He restoreth my soul . . .

He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness . . .

“I don’t understand,” he rasped, eyes brimming with tears. “Why do you even care?

Because you are mine, the thought came, and Steven bowed his head and wept.

Because for the first time in his life, he finally understood.

He was.

I gotta admit, I think Salyna absolutely NAILED it on Annie Kennedy and Steven O’Connor for A Love Surrendered, don’t you??

So, always remember that YOU are an essential, critical piece of God’s heart that no one else can fill and no matter what happens, you will always be HIS! Have a BLESSED weekend, my friends!!

Hugs,

Julie

Never had he seen such warmth and tenderness between two people married for such a long period of time. It seemed as if the entire family thrived in the glow that surrounded these two people, spilling onto each as naturally as rain unto the earth.

— A Passion Most Pure

 With the passing of my mother-in-law last week, family came into focus more clearly than ever before. You see, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family of 13 kids, where there wasn’t the warmth and closeness that I craved, and certainly not the warmth and closesness I experience in my husband’s family. It wasn’t until I met Jesus Christ in a personal, intimate way at the age of 23 than I began to finally understand that the magic of family I longed for doesn’t just happen — it begins with each of us.

Looking back, I can see that my parents loved each other deeply, but it was a volatile relationship at best. I can’t tell you how many nights my sisters and brothers and I stood barefoot and shivering out at the edge of the street while my parents fought inside the house. This fractured love relationship was so traumatic to me that I began to have a recurring nightmare once a year on a Saturday night, and I always knew when it was coming. The first time I had it, I was so terrorized that I jolted up in bed at the age of 10 and bolted downstairs in my nightgown, screaming at the top of my lungs. I don’t remember much more than I tore through the house and out into the yard where I vaulted a chain-link fence before sprinting into a field beyond as if the very devil were on my heels.

And I honestly felt as if he was.

This went on year after year, and I would shiver deep in my bones whenever that annual Saturday night rolled around, knowing way, way down in my soul that tonight was the night it would happen again. And you know what the dream was? It was my mom and dad fighting on either side of their bed, which somehow kept getting bigger and smaller, bigger and smaller, as if the force of their argument created a tug-of-war. Don’t ask me how I knew, but somehow I sensed that bed represented my oldest sister Essie, who also was deeply traumatized by Mom and Daddy’s ambivalent relationship. She died in her mid-twenties.

You see, I LONGED for a family like the O’Connors in my novels, but I never had that growing up. Not until I did things God’s way, that is. The first command God gave me after I became born again at the age of 23 was to love my father.

NO WAY, I argued, telling God that my father had beat us and emotionally abused us and was largely responsible for my low self-esteem. For goodness sake, this was the man who attacked me, then kicked me out of the house in the middle of the night when I was barely 21, with no place to go.

“You can’t call yourself mine until you learn to love others,” Jesus whispered in my spirit, and I knew He was right. I sucked in a deep breath, said my prayers, and went to work. I was single at the time, so I’d make a pot of beef stew (my dad’s favorite) and take it to him on a weekend night. Now, please understand that my father was a brusque, unemotional man (I know, I know — where DID I get it from???) who would only talk during commercials. So we would sit there in silence, watching Perry Mason or Carol Burnett on TV, exchanging only a few words during commercials. This went on for months and months, the evenings always ending with me telling Daddy that I loved him and giving him an awkward hug while he stood there stiffly, not responding at all.

And then one night, it happened. He walked me to the door as usual, and I went to hug him. “I love you, Daddy,” I whispered, because it was true — my obedience to God had merged with my prayers and God’s grace to forge God’s own love deep inside my heart, a holy love for this man who had seldom shown me any love at all.

Never will I forget his shaky touch as his arms slowly embraced me, the ragged sound of his voice rasping against my ear. “I love you too,” he said, words that changed my life forever. That night my heart went from an orphan’s heart to a daughter’s, and one who was eventually loved, respected, and blessed by her father.

Just like with God.

That was the very first lesson God ever taught me — that true family begins with obedience to Him, laying our wills down for His — and for the people closest to us who so desperately need to feel His love. We are God’s conduit, whether it be to a husband, a wife, a child, or as in my case, a parent. “If you love Me, obey my commandments.” — John 14:15. Oh, YES, YES, YES!! Because obedience = love. And love heals, helping a family to be all that God always meant it to be.

And that’s how I wrote the O’Connors — parents and siblings and eventually spouses who learn that not only is obedience to God key in family, but that love and passion thrives when He is smack dab in the middle. And for those of you who may doubt that this is possible, please know that I come by this knowledge honestly. My God has given me a family and a marriage (Marcy and Patrick’s marriage is based on Keith’s and mine) that is “abundantly, exceedingly more than I hoped, thought, or prayed” — Ephesians 3:20-21), and He can do the same for you — be it with family, marriage, relationships or in your life as a whole.

So in honor of “family,” I give you the O’Connors, as seen through the eyes of a precious reader friend by the name of Salyna (check out her wonderful Kissed Books Blog), who SO loved the O’Connors that she actually took the time to put celebrity montages together. They blessed the socks off of me, so I hope they do the same to you. This week I will post the montages for the O’Connor family and those from the Daughters of Boston series, and next week, the montages for the Winds of Change series. Thank you SO much, Salyna, for making me smile — these are wonderful!

And if you want to see Salyna’s OTHER two choices for John Brady, hop on over to her blog at Kissed Books to check it out (it will be posted sometime today, Friday) and leave a comment as to your favorite of the three.

Hugs and Happy Weekend,

Julie

“Sometimes I feel like a bluebird

while everyone else is a yellow bird.”

— Matthew Lessman, age 5

Have you ever loved someone who accepted you just as you are? You know, someone who would smile over your idiosyncrasies and failings instead of shake their head and roll their eyes?

Hopefully each of us has, but even in families, it can be a rare thing. Or at least it was for me. You see, I was one of those skinny, nervous, little kids who was SO darn easy to pick on because I was such a wired drama queen. My family used to call me “a walking nervous breakdown,” teasing unmercifully just to get a rise out of me, which, of course, they always did. I realize now that it was because I had so much energy and, well … passion. But I won’t lie to you—it hurts to be made fun of.

A lot. 

So years ago when my son came home from kindergarten crying, I was devastated. “Bud,” I said in a gentle tone, “what’s wrong?” 

“Nobody likes me, Mom,” he whispered, lower lip quivering and tears welling in his eyes. “I don’t have any friends.” 

Memories of my own grade-school experience stabbed, when I’d been ostracized and ridiculed for having psoriasis in the 2nd grade. “Are you sure it’s not leprosy?” the old nun had asked in front of my whole class, sealing my fate on the playground. “Oh, bud,” I said, scooping him up in my arms, “it just takes time to make friends, but it will happen, you’ll see.”

“No, mom,” he said in a broken, little voice, “nobody will play with me.” His little chest heaved with a sob as I held him in my arms. “Sometimes I feel like a bluebird,” he whispered, “while everyone else is a yellow bird.” 

I prayed with him that day, but my heart broke all the same, and you know what? So did God’s. Because we are the apple of His eye, the pulse of His heart, and His cherished creation. 

So when you meet someone in life who looks past all the weird things you do and smiles at your oddities with affection, it’s almost like a hug from God, as if His love and pride for you is being transmitted through this gift of a person who loves you …  just the way you are.

Truly I am a blessed woman because I have been gifted with a husband like that and doubly blessed with a mother-in-law who was the exact same way.  I say “was” because you, see, my sweet mother-in-law went home to be with Jesus yesterday morning at the age of 89, and not only have I lost a “mother,” but a beautiful person who embraced me as a daughter, making this bluebird feel loved and accepted no matter how quirky or crazy I might be. 

And not just me, but everyone in her family, as evidenced by the 3-day, around-the-clock bedside vigil in which her sons and sons-in-law, daughters and daughter-in-law, grandchildren and great grandchildren crowded into a small, little house for three days and nights, sleeping side-by-side on the living room floor, on couches, love seats and in rocker recliners. As my sister-in-law, Mary, so aptly put it, “It was the best worst week of my life.” We cried, we laughed, we prayed, and we ate. And ate. And ate. Someone was with my mother-in-law at all times and sometimes as many as 14 of us crammed into that tiny room all at the same time, showing our love and support for a woman who never ceased showing the same to us. 

Until now. And yet, somehow knowing the caliber of woman, wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother that Leona Lessman was, I suspect she is loving and supporting us still, only this time from above.

But I won’t lie to you—it hurts to lose her. 

A lot.

So, Leona, please know that you are deeply and powerfully loved and missed by all—bluebirds and yellow birds and family members big and small. Life will not be the same without you, but oh, our reunion in heaven will be a joy! As I’m sure your reunion with the love of your life is right now. Give Ray a hug for me and tell him Keith and “Judy” miss him a lot.

Love,

Julie

In Loving Memory:

Leona Lessman

October 2, 1923 – August 9, 2013

Till we can hug you again on streets of gold …