Marcy stood at Mrs. Gerson’s kitchen window, in bleak harmony with the rivulets of water that slithered down the pane. It was a slow and steady rain, endless weeping from a gray and dismal sky, and Marcy felt a kinship with it. It showed no signs of letting up, much like the grief in her heart over the loss of her husband. A silent mourning over a spouse who was still very much alive, but whose love was as cold and dead as any corpse.
—A Passion Denied, by Julie Lessman
Ever feel like that? In bleak harmony with the rivulets of water that slither down the pane? Endless weeping from a gray and dismal sky?
Ironically, that’s exactly where I am this morning, sitting outside on my lower deck in the midst of a gray and misty morning. There’s drizzle all around me, weeping from the sky and from my eyes.
Why? I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s because I’ve just been through a week of emotional overload with Aunt Julie, who, I am THRILLED to say, is now back home at Delmar, pneumonia-free and pretty as a picture in her new hairdo, doing better than any of us dared to hope. I always smile and shake my head, because never have I met a more resilient woman. On the verge of death this last week, doctors and nurses told us she had only hours to live—THREE different times, up and down—and the prognosis was so bad that we made funeral arrangements. But God intervened and there is no way I cannot adequately express my appreciation for all of your prayers and support during one of the hardest times I’ve had in a long while. God bless you all—faithful Aarons and Hurs to my Moses, holding my arms up to a God who delivers.
So I should be jumping for joy, right? AJ is out of the woods, A Light in the Window went live for preorder on Amazon (more on this below) and it’s FRIDAY, for pity’s sake—my favorite day of the week! And yet the one song that keeps circling in my brain as it rains all around me is As My Guitar Gently Weeps by George Harrison.
I’m guessing that once I got off that emotional roller-coaster with AJ, my head was dizzy and my legs awobble, sapping my energy and leaving me wrung out. Not exactly a good state of mind for facing impending overdue deadlines where nearly two weeks were snatched from my calendar. That’s the bad news.
The good news? Nothing leads me to the throne of God more than an emotional collapse, where I cling to a Savior who doesn’t just comfort my soul and dry my eyes, He “puts my tears in a bottle,” as Psalm 56:8 says and “rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18.
Ah, yes, “crushed.” Or a little blue … or a little tired … or a little overwhelmed.
Most of us really don’t like to cry because we associate it with pain, sorrow or depression and yet there are those good times too—laughing so hard you cry, tender moments that have you tearing up, crackers in the eyes for sympathy purposes, or even those lip-trembling Hallmark commercials, which get me every single time. Of course, I’m a natural weeper, I suppose because I’m SO full of passion and drama and emotion that sometimes I just need to come down from that mountain and weep. You know—crawl up into the lap of a loving God and lean on His strength, His peace, His hope? And, oh, yes … His amazing love and grace … surrounding me like the tender arms of a husband—strong, protective and sure.
Reminding me—All. Over. Again.—that there is no place on earth I would rather be than in the lap of the Father, relying on Him instead of myself. Sinking into that warm, safe cloud of His “everlasting” and “unfailing” love, where I am the “apple of His eye.” It’s there where something amazing and truly supernatural happens. My focus is clear despite the blur of tears because I suddenly remember with total clarity and confidence that in the midst of all that saltwater, He has never let me down. Not once.
Not as a lonely, single 23-year-old estranged from her family.
Not when my father died after God healed our relationship.
Not when my marriage was hanging by a thread.
Not when my son was diagnosed with cancer.
Not when a tumor took my appendix and eleven inches of colon.
Not when my car was totaled with me in it on the way to a prayer meeting.
Not in the face of two total rewrites on plots my editor challenged.
Not when Aunt Julie almost died last year and finally survived hospice.
And not last week when she faced death once again.
Nope, He was always there, always comforting, always carrying my load. Always loving me through the trials and tribulations in my life.
And for that alone, the tears are worth it, prying my fingers loose from the busyness of life and making me focus on the faithfulness of Jesus. Because I am of like mind with Emma Malloy in A Heart Revealed when she says:
“No one escapes being hurt in this life, Sean, because unfortunately, we live in a fallen world. But please believe me when I say . . .” Her voice gentled, as soothing and peaceful as the patter of rain on the marble sill. “There’s a great gift in pain.”
Oh my, yes, and it’s called joy and hope and peace when life forces us to cling tight to the Lover of our Souls Who turns our “wailing into dancing” and “clothes us with joy.”
Have a great week and may all your tears be tears of joy over the goodness of God in your life.
HUGE FAVOR!!!! When you get a chance, PLEASE hop on over to Amazon.com to “LIKE” (and preorder if you want!) my new e-book, A Light in the Window, which features my daughter Amy as Marceline Murphy O’Connor on a cover my talented husband designed. Here’s the link and THANK YOU!!
Join me and a host of other contributing authors for a FACEBOOK PARTY ON TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4 (8 PM EST, 7 PM CST, 6 PM MST AND 5 PM PST) where you can win books, gift certificates or a Beautiful Pearl Necklace.
I am privileged to be one of many authors who are part of the fabulous new devotional called Mother of Pearl, which celebrates the collective iridescence of motherhood. Margaret McSweeney presents a collection of heartfelt vignettes from authors who communicate the importance of the unique relationships between mothers and their children, between granddaughters and grandmothers and between children and the mother-figures in their lives.
Check out the Pearl Girls Faceback page at: http://www.facebook.com/PearlGirlsCommunity.
Then show up at the Facebook party at the following link for lots of fun and prizes!!